Do you remember that episode of Winnie the Pooh where Pooh goes over to Rabbit's house and eats so much honey that he gets stuck trying to get back out? He's so fat now he gets stuck in the hole Rabbit uses as a front door. They have to wait all winter for Pooh to get thin again before they can pull him out. Pooh tries to bribe anyone who passes by to give him some food, while Rabbit uses his butt as an end table.
This story is the human version of that:
"An overweight woman who got stuck in a South African cave trapped 22 fellow tourists for more than 10 hours and had to be prised free with liquid paraffin.
The woman became trapped in the Tunnel of Love obstacle in the Cango Caves in Western Cape on New Year's Day.
The caves' manager said the woman had been warned she might not be suitable but she insisted on trying.
One of those trapped was a diabetic who had to be brought insulin. The woman and the other tourists were unhurt.
The rescue operation involved several ambulance teams and a helicopter."
Read the full version here.
Kinda makes me want to stick with WW even more now...
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Oscar Party
Now, normally the idea of actually sitting and watching the Oscars is about as interesting to me as, oh, sitting and watching the Superbowl.
But, as I learned with the Superbowl, you just throw a party and voila! It's actually fun.
Fancy dress was required. I wore a long black skirt, shiny purple shirt and a pretty scarf. Christy wore a beautiful blue ball gown, Joe wore a suit jacket, and Luke and Aliza showed up in full-on 80's dance party garb.
Whatever floats your boat.
A few more of Luke's friends showed up too. They brought beer, Christy brought snacks and we ordered Chinese food for dinner.
I had been gathering uber-lame prizes (mostly from Goodwill and the post-Valentine's Day sales at Walgreens) just for this night. Luckily, I had just enough for everybody. Everyone voted on who they thought would win, then first place got to pick their prize first.
Joe won by a landslide, with 16 categories right. He got a Japanese handtowel.
Luke and I tied for second, with 9 each. Luke got a Wisconsin photo magnet that I just happened to find at Goodwill. I bowed out of the prize picking, but even after everyone chose, the one thing I actually wanted was left--a pink, plastic piggybank. His nose screws off so you can get the money out!
The one bummer was that our silly DVR (which we used to record the Oscars because people couldn't get there until after it started) failed to record the last 30 minutes. So we missed out on seeing the biggest awards!
Oh well. Thank goodness for the internet.
But, as I learned with the Superbowl, you just throw a party and voila! It's actually fun.
Fancy dress was required. I wore a long black skirt, shiny purple shirt and a pretty scarf. Christy wore a beautiful blue ball gown, Joe wore a suit jacket, and Luke and Aliza showed up in full-on 80's dance party garb.
Whatever floats your boat.
A few more of Luke's friends showed up too. They brought beer, Christy brought snacks and we ordered Chinese food for dinner.
I had been gathering uber-lame prizes (mostly from Goodwill and the post-Valentine's Day sales at Walgreens) just for this night. Luckily, I had just enough for everybody. Everyone voted on who they thought would win, then first place got to pick their prize first.
Joe won by a landslide, with 16 categories right. He got a Japanese handtowel.
Luke and I tied for second, with 9 each. Luke got a Wisconsin photo magnet that I just happened to find at Goodwill. I bowed out of the prize picking, but even after everyone chose, the one thing I actually wanted was left--a pink, plastic piggybank. His nose screws off so you can get the money out!
The one bummer was that our silly DVR (which we used to record the Oscars because people couldn't get there until after it started) failed to record the last 30 minutes. So we missed out on seeing the biggest awards!
Oh well. Thank goodness for the internet.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Chocolate in My Bra (happens more than I care to admit)
I have discovered the greatest thing ever: Scharffen Berger's "Nibby" bar. I grabbed it because it was small and made of dark chocolate. Only when I sat down to eat it did I realize that there were actual CHUNKS of cocao beans in it.
Oh, heck yeah.
Oh, heck yeah.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Belated Valentine's Day
Our real Valentine's Day celebration began, as all good celebrations should, with copious amounts of drinking before noon.
After brunch, we went to the Barleywine Festival over at Toronado on Haight Street. Barleywine is basically really really really strong beer. One kind we tried was 27% proof. Compare that to Bud Lite's 5%. You could buy it in tiny little tasting glasses though, so you would be able to try lots of different kinds. We only made it through 6, mostly because it simply got too crowded in there for us. There are some people who wait outside before the place even opens at 11:30 am, then camp at a table with a picnic lunch and 5 of their best friends. They then proceed to try ALL 50 KINDS! Not that hard with 6 people and only 3 oz glasses, but still amazing.
After that we headed to the Antiquarian Book Fair. I wasn't terribly excited to go, mostly because Joe was excited about the stuff like a Plato manuscript. Which is cool and all, but boooooring.
But there was tons of cool stuff. Recent books, super old books. The most expensive one we saw was a first edition of Gulliver's Travels for $150,000. Wow. Pretty good condition too. There was a first edition of Bartholomew and the Oobleck I would have loved, but what I really wanted, and what I would buy if I had a few tens of thousands of dollars lying around, was a first edition copy of "Where the Wild Things Are." They ranged in price from $18-35,000.
Mom, did you have a copy of this when you were a kid? It was published in 1964. Please say yes.
Then say that you think you still have it up in Grandpa's attic. That would be a great inheritance...
Our final destination was the Cliff House, a restaurant that juts out over the Pacific Ocean (not the Bay, by where Luke works). The food was excellent, though still overpriced as we expected. It was neat. The Sutro Bathhouse used to be there, and the restaurant kept part of the original ceiling. They would pump in ocean water and heat it. 10 cents a swim! You can still see part of the ruins.
After brunch, we went to the Barleywine Festival over at Toronado on Haight Street. Barleywine is basically really really really strong beer. One kind we tried was 27% proof. Compare that to Bud Lite's 5%. You could buy it in tiny little tasting glasses though, so you would be able to try lots of different kinds. We only made it through 6, mostly because it simply got too crowded in there for us. There are some people who wait outside before the place even opens at 11:30 am, then camp at a table with a picnic lunch and 5 of their best friends. They then proceed to try ALL 50 KINDS! Not that hard with 6 people and only 3 oz glasses, but still amazing.
After that we headed to the Antiquarian Book Fair. I wasn't terribly excited to go, mostly because Joe was excited about the stuff like a Plato manuscript. Which is cool and all, but boooooring.
But there was tons of cool stuff. Recent books, super old books. The most expensive one we saw was a first edition of Gulliver's Travels for $150,000. Wow. Pretty good condition too. There was a first edition of Bartholomew and the Oobleck I would have loved, but what I really wanted, and what I would buy if I had a few tens of thousands of dollars lying around, was a first edition copy of "Where the Wild Things Are." They ranged in price from $18-35,000.
Mom, did you have a copy of this when you were a kid? It was published in 1964. Please say yes.
Then say that you think you still have it up in Grandpa's attic. That would be a great inheritance...
Our final destination was the Cliff House, a restaurant that juts out over the Pacific Ocean (not the Bay, by where Luke works). The food was excellent, though still overpriced as we expected. It was neat. The Sutro Bathhouse used to be there, and the restaurant kept part of the original ceiling. They would pump in ocean water and heat it. 10 cents a swim! You can still see part of the ruins.
Friday, February 16, 2007
SF has its perks
It's soooooo nice out today!
I feel like I did in high school, when you'd get one of those Friday afternoons in May, where it was so nice out and so close to the end of the school year that it actually caused you physical pain to stay inside.
If you were one of the bad kids, you'd skip your last class and go drive around.
If you were a good kid, you'd run outside for a few minutes between classes to bask in the sun on the front stairs.
And if, like me, you were one of those good kids who was so good that you could actually get away with anything, you'd tell the teacher of your last class that you had to run to the store to get something for, um, shop class. Yeah, the hardware store. Only open until 3 on Fridays.
THEN you'd go drive around.
Unless Mrs. Bartlein was your last class teacher. Then you would get a snort of disbelief and an eyeball roll. Then you would sit down. And probably learn something.
Probably something important, in fact.
I feel like I did in high school, when you'd get one of those Friday afternoons in May, where it was so nice out and so close to the end of the school year that it actually caused you physical pain to stay inside.
If you were one of the bad kids, you'd skip your last class and go drive around.
If you were a good kid, you'd run outside for a few minutes between classes to bask in the sun on the front stairs.
And if, like me, you were one of those good kids who was so good that you could actually get away with anything, you'd tell the teacher of your last class that you had to run to the store to get something for, um, shop class. Yeah, the hardware store. Only open until 3 on Fridays.
THEN you'd go drive around.
Unless Mrs. Bartlein was your last class teacher. Then you would get a snort of disbelief and an eyeball roll. Then you would sit down. And probably learn something.
Probably something important, in fact.
Whale Chase
Blogger is making me do weird things, changing the way you sign in and post. Ugh. I may switch over the Live Journal entirely.
I've been having intensely weird dreams lately. Last night I dreamt I was being chased by a whale. When I finally got out of the water. the whale jumped onto the beach and kept chasing me by kind of flopping foward. He gashed my leg with his teeth (yes, I know whales don't really have teeth, per se, but I'm sure he could draw blood with his jaws, regardless). However then he was too far inland and had to go back. I drew a line in the sand so I knew how far he could get, because I knew he would try again later. I was too scared to go into the jungle on this desert island, so I needed to know where it was safe to sleep on the beach.
I think it's no coincidence I was dreaming about work just before this. Feel trapped much?
I got my hair cut again, and this may be the shortest it's ever been. I have learned (in my wise old age) the value of a really good haircut. Even when the old one started to grow out, even when I don't do anything to it, my hair looks much nicer than it ever did before.
I always tell them it needs to be super low maintanence. I am not a blow dryer kind of girl. I am not a hot iron kind of girl. I'm barely even a product kind of girl. And they swear to me that it will look fine if I just let it air-dry and it does, but...
It never looks nearly as cool as when they do it. My hair is sort of...fluffy. Not curly, but not totally straight either. So the super-shortness can look a little weird. It makes my head look incredibly round, which is why hairstylists are often hesistant to cut it that short.
So yesterday I found myself buying a hot iron. I haven't burned myself yet.
On Valentines' Day, Joe and I got takeout burgers, then stopped at the new candy store on the way home. That candy store is SO MUCH FUN! They have all kinds of stuff, and we got lots of little baggies of things to try.
I swear, we didn't even eat that much, but both of us did not feel well afterwards. I don't know if it was the burgers or the candy or the collective rot of eating junk food we're not used to. Bleh.
But Saturday is our real Valentines' Day. We're going out to eat at a restaurant overlooking the ocean, way out by the beach. Hopefully it won't make us sick.
I've been having intensely weird dreams lately. Last night I dreamt I was being chased by a whale. When I finally got out of the water. the whale jumped onto the beach and kept chasing me by kind of flopping foward. He gashed my leg with his teeth (yes, I know whales don't really have teeth, per se, but I'm sure he could draw blood with his jaws, regardless). However then he was too far inland and had to go back. I drew a line in the sand so I knew how far he could get, because I knew he would try again later. I was too scared to go into the jungle on this desert island, so I needed to know where it was safe to sleep on the beach.
I think it's no coincidence I was dreaming about work just before this. Feel trapped much?
I got my hair cut again, and this may be the shortest it's ever been. I have learned (in my wise old age) the value of a really good haircut. Even when the old one started to grow out, even when I don't do anything to it, my hair looks much nicer than it ever did before.
I always tell them it needs to be super low maintanence. I am not a blow dryer kind of girl. I am not a hot iron kind of girl. I'm barely even a product kind of girl. And they swear to me that it will look fine if I just let it air-dry and it does, but...
It never looks nearly as cool as when they do it. My hair is sort of...fluffy. Not curly, but not totally straight either. So the super-shortness can look a little weird. It makes my head look incredibly round, which is why hairstylists are often hesistant to cut it that short.
So yesterday I found myself buying a hot iron. I haven't burned myself yet.
On Valentines' Day, Joe and I got takeout burgers, then stopped at the new candy store on the way home. That candy store is SO MUCH FUN! They have all kinds of stuff, and we got lots of little baggies of things to try.
I swear, we didn't even eat that much, but both of us did not feel well afterwards. I don't know if it was the burgers or the candy or the collective rot of eating junk food we're not used to. Bleh.
But Saturday is our real Valentines' Day. We're going out to eat at a restaurant overlooking the ocean, way out by the beach. Hopefully it won't make us sick.
Monday, February 12, 2007
More rejection
So after my "good" rejection from Black Gate of my "depressing" story, I decided (hoped) that Chiaroscuro Magazine, being of a darker ilk, would be the proper home for it. Today I received the following rejection:
Thank you for sending "Of Its Own Accord" our way (though on the story itself, the title's given as "Her Own Accord"). I'm afraid we'll be taking a pass this time. I'm predisposed to like this sort of post-disaster scenario and there are some really nice, deft moments here, as with that initial imagined conversation. But Justin hovers a bit too uneasily between sensible and deranged, and the Phil-and-Derek storyline and the end of the piece don't quite come together for me.
Best of luck placing this one elsewhere, and please do keep us in mind for your future work.
Cheers,
Fiction Editor
http://chizine.com/
I don't know if I can count this among my good rejections. I suspect they give a line or two of ideas to every story, though I'm not sure. Anyways:
Justin hovers a bit too uneasily between sensible and deranged
Er, that's sort of the point of the story, so I'm not sure how to work on that one. I think I'll chalk it up to artistic differences.
the Phil-and-Derek storyline and the end of the piece don't quite come together for me
This one I understand, though that doesn't mean I know how to fix it. The ending isn't a direct cause-and-effect line, and I can see how some people wouldn't buy it. It may be time to put this story into the "Needs Serious Rewrites" folder.
However, I then looked at the history of this story, wondering where I can submit it next, when I realized that I never got an answer on it from Ideomancer. A loooooooong time ago. So long ago that at this point it is totally my fault for not following up. They wrote back once asking for it in a different format, I sent the new format, then...nothing.
And yes, I know I'm not supposed to sub to another market until I've heard from the one before (at least not without telling them) but I simply FORGOT. Obviously. Which is why I'll never be annoyed at editors when they don't get back to me. If I can't even keep track of my own submissions, how can I expect them to?
Heck, I can't even keep the title of my story straight. Though both titles are awful, I admit.
Ok, off to hassle the Ideomancer folk.
Thank you for sending "Of Its Own Accord" our way (though on the story itself, the title's given as "Her Own Accord"). I'm afraid we'll be taking a pass this time. I'm predisposed to like this sort of post-disaster scenario and there are some really nice, deft moments here, as with that initial imagined conversation. But Justin hovers a bit too uneasily between sensible and deranged, and the Phil-and-Derek storyline and the end of the piece don't quite come together for me.
Best of luck placing this one elsewhere, and please do keep us in mind for your future work.
Cheers,
Fiction Editor
http://chizine.com/
I don't know if I can count this among my good rejections. I suspect they give a line or two of ideas to every story, though I'm not sure. Anyways:
Justin hovers a bit too uneasily between sensible and deranged
Er, that's sort of the point of the story, so I'm not sure how to work on that one. I think I'll chalk it up to artistic differences.
the Phil-and-Derek storyline and the end of the piece don't quite come together for me
This one I understand, though that doesn't mean I know how to fix it. The ending isn't a direct cause-and-effect line, and I can see how some people wouldn't buy it. It may be time to put this story into the "Needs Serious Rewrites" folder.
However, I then looked at the history of this story, wondering where I can submit it next, when I realized that I never got an answer on it from Ideomancer. A loooooooong time ago. So long ago that at this point it is totally my fault for not following up. They wrote back once asking for it in a different format, I sent the new format, then...nothing.
And yes, I know I'm not supposed to sub to another market until I've heard from the one before (at least not without telling them) but I simply FORGOT. Obviously. Which is why I'll never be annoyed at editors when they don't get back to me. If I can't even keep track of my own submissions, how can I expect them to?
Heck, I can't even keep the title of my story straight. Though both titles are awful, I admit.
Ok, off to hassle the Ideomancer folk.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
I'm Melting!
The Rain! The rain has come at last! For months now, every time we got a little sprinkle people would say, Oh it's going to rain for MONTHS now. And then the next day would be sunshiney.
But I believe them this time. It is February, and it has been downpouring for two days. As much as I completely dig the constant sunshine, I'm kind of excited about the rain.
I suppose I ought to go get myself a rainjacket.
The Superbowl was fun. Joe and I had a last minute party with Luke, Aliza and Christy. Luckily we had ingredients for guacamole, everyone brought beer, and then we ordered a pizza (Chicago style, of course!) Luke and I both had money in Superbowl pools, but lost miserably. This is the first time I have watched an entire Superbowl since the Packers were in it.
My Weight Watchers total is at 25 pounds now! They give you a fun little magnet for that. Also, I now officially weigh less than I did in high school, though just barely.
I've started my next novel, almost accidentally. I just didn't know what to start on next. Sometimes having too many ideas is a bigger problem for me than having none at all. In fact, that's always a problem. I need to do a lot more research for this novel, though some thing can be put in later. Sometimes you just need to get the characters moving!
I bought my brother a Betty Crocker cookbook, the new edition, for his birthday and I liked it so much, I might have to go buy my own! Sunday morning I got up and made muffins out of it. They were lemon muffins, because we'd just gotten Meyer lemons at the farmer's market. Then, when they had 7 minutes left to cook, Luke and Aliza just happened to be walking by and stopped over. I think they followed their noses. So I gave Luke the cookbook along with a fresh muffin.
Everyone has been completely ignoring STNB, to the point where I feel kind of bad for him and have been trying to tolerate him better. I actually listen to his ramblings and am the first to voluteer to help on his projects. Sigh. I try to tell people I'm really a mean person most of the time, but nobody ever believes it.
But I believe them this time. It is February, and it has been downpouring for two days. As much as I completely dig the constant sunshine, I'm kind of excited about the rain.
I suppose I ought to go get myself a rainjacket.
The Superbowl was fun. Joe and I had a last minute party with Luke, Aliza and Christy. Luckily we had ingredients for guacamole, everyone brought beer, and then we ordered a pizza (Chicago style, of course!) Luke and I both had money in Superbowl pools, but lost miserably. This is the first time I have watched an entire Superbowl since the Packers were in it.
My Weight Watchers total is at 25 pounds now! They give you a fun little magnet for that. Also, I now officially weigh less than I did in high school, though just barely.
I've started my next novel, almost accidentally. I just didn't know what to start on next. Sometimes having too many ideas is a bigger problem for me than having none at all. In fact, that's always a problem. I need to do a lot more research for this novel, though some thing can be put in later. Sometimes you just need to get the characters moving!
I bought my brother a Betty Crocker cookbook, the new edition, for his birthday and I liked it so much, I might have to go buy my own! Sunday morning I got up and made muffins out of it. They were lemon muffins, because we'd just gotten Meyer lemons at the farmer's market. Then, when they had 7 minutes left to cook, Luke and Aliza just happened to be walking by and stopped over. I think they followed their noses. So I gave Luke the cookbook along with a fresh muffin.
Everyone has been completely ignoring STNB, to the point where I feel kind of bad for him and have been trying to tolerate him better. I actually listen to his ramblings and am the first to voluteer to help on his projects. Sigh. I try to tell people I'm really a mean person most of the time, but nobody ever believes it.
Friday, February 02, 2007
On Second Thought
On second thought, I see an entire keg of Bud Light in the kitchen for the Superbowl party. I forgive them for forgetting my donuts.
In other news, Slow Talking Nerd Boy (STNB) has been moved to our side of the cubicle divide. Apparently he has seniority over the recently vacated window desk.
uuuuuuggggghhhh.
Just today I heard him talking to a new girl in a different department. As I walked by, he said to her, "Oh, I think you have something on your chin."
"Yes," she said. "It's a mole."
Shudder.
The only good parts are that he's still not next to me (still plenty of unsuspecting victims in between us) and that the Interesting Irish guy might also be moving over here too. He seems to be able to put up with STNB better than the rest of us.
In other news, Slow Talking Nerd Boy (STNB) has been moved to our side of the cubicle divide. Apparently he has seniority over the recently vacated window desk.
uuuuuuggggghhhh.
Just today I heard him talking to a new girl in a different department. As I walked by, he said to her, "Oh, I think you have something on your chin."
"Yes," she said. "It's a mole."
Shudder.
The only good parts are that he's still not next to me (still plenty of unsuspecting victims in between us) and that the Interesting Irish guy might also be moving over here too. He seems to be able to put up with STNB better than the rest of us.
Great Big Walls of Stupid
I keep running into big walls of stupid today at work.
People who can't read an email all the way to the bottom.
People who don't understand or cannot manage to use the "reply to all" function in email, despite my tutorial.
People who like to guess at times and dates, assuming I enjoy scanning four hours of football coverage looking for a mention of Bud Light.
If I go home with another ripping headache today, I'm going to have to take some anger management classes.
And apparently we're having some half-assed Superbowl party this afternoon, which is cool and all, but I believe it has pre-empted the traditional Friday morning doughnut run. Not cool, people. I demand BOTH.
Also, apparently most adults (at least the ones who work for my company) don't understand how time zones work.
And did you all know that Canada has some half-time zones? Those crazy Canadians!
People who can't read an email all the way to the bottom.
People who don't understand or cannot manage to use the "reply to all" function in email, despite my tutorial.
People who like to guess at times and dates, assuming I enjoy scanning four hours of football coverage looking for a mention of Bud Light.
If I go home with another ripping headache today, I'm going to have to take some anger management classes.
And apparently we're having some half-assed Superbowl party this afternoon, which is cool and all, but I believe it has pre-empted the traditional Friday morning doughnut run. Not cool, people. I demand BOTH.
Also, apparently most adults (at least the ones who work for my company) don't understand how time zones work.
And did you all know that Canada has some half-time zones? Those crazy Canadians!
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